Humans v. Cats–Training

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They look innocent enough.

Cats. Soft, cuddly dictators is what they are.

Our cats have decided we should get up at 5 a.m. to feed them each day. We prefer rising at 7. We’ve been working to resolve this small difference of opinion for a little while now. (Okay–it’s been a couple of years). And we’re making great progress, too.

The cats used to sleep with us, which meant the humans were forced into contortions any pretzel would have trouble imitating. We tolerated this small compromise to our comfort until the cats started dancing on our faces  as a subtle hint it was time to get up and feed them. At that point one of us would dutifully rise and feed the cats.

But somehow this seemed wrong. We decided to throw the cats out of the bed, closing the bedroom door and forcing them to wait until we decided it was time to get up and feed them.

That plan worked for . . . . Well, okay, it never actually worked. The cats slept fine until 5 a.m., then started scratching on the door to the bedroom.  The choice once again was to get up and feed them or live with the noise and the damage to the door.

Next, we filled a spray bottle with water and prepared for battle. When the cats scratched at the door, we sprayed them and they scurried away. Victory!

At first.

It wasn’t long before we’d open the door and the cats–having dragged us out of bed with their scratching–were no where to be found. They hid around the corner until we closed the door again. A few minutes later they’d be scratching at the door–again.

So, we are back where we started with the choice of getting up and feeding the cats at their command or staying stubbornly in bed–awake–while the cats destroy our door.


Humans seem intelligent enough to be trained. Yet, even after years of living with my subject humans, I have found it very difficult to train them to the simple task of feeding me breakfast at my command.

First, they close the door on me so that I am unable to command them directly–paw to face. Naturally, I muster my feline underlings–Baby and Stuart–to scratch on the door with me. The ignorant humans assume we are playing a game of hiding from the spray bottle. Very tiresome!

We play along for an hour or so each morning–scratching every few minutes. Eventually, the lazy humans get out of bed and give us our due, but not until we’ve exhausted ourselves with scratching and running.

The humans do give us proper worship and attention when the are awake.

I guess we will allow them to continue to live with us. But I do wish they were smarter and easier to train.


  1. A scratching post is not a bag idea. We used to use a spray bottle with water. everytime we would catch him we would spray the crap out of him and yell. It worked…… Try the link below, it has a few ideas. Good Luck!

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